Things have calmed down a bit. Dad still has a major hold over my life, and will so long as I need a car, insurance, and anything like that.

I'm out of a job since the Fair ended, and have been paying for a lot of stuff of my own and stuff for my dad around the house. I don't mind too much, but it still makes me feel pretty bad, being as I only have a depleting source of money, and not an in coming source of money. If I was making money, then it would be no big deal.

And if I made money, I could save up a lot of it and buy my own car at a police auction and MAYBE pay for the insurance myself. Yeah, that would be a ton more money, but at least it would be a loss of money that i could feel proud of, and my dad wouldn't have any control over it (couldn't take my keys away etc).

I've been doing more art, which is nice. Mostly pencil and paper stuff, which I can't get onto the computer (no scanner and no camera). The last thing I did solely on the computer I have now surpassed skill-wise. But, here it is anyway:

siicosephy.deviantart.com/art/Bone-Nesti...

I've been doing a lot more self studying, and have been feeling very refreshed at finding things I can learn to do better. And now, I have finally started working on a project that I have dreamed of doing since 7th grade. I finally, in my opinion, have the base, necessary skills to start it, and am guaranteed to only get better, since I will be taking classes in the future.

Life is still hectic, but at least I've finished with the shock value and am slowly taking it all in with grace.

I can't really recall the last time I've had a LARP excursion. I almost did a few weekends ago, but of course, dad didn't really agree with it.

I've been searching avidly for a job, while trying my best in college, and I realized something else. Once I start doing the life gig, I'm going to have to start paying for everything myself. With all of the food, books, and classes I'm going to have to start paying for myself, I don't think I'll even have money left over for LARP. The thought really upsets me. Sure, a lot of places do the cheap to free NPC gig, but there are LARPS I like to PC in, like Eidolon, that are $50. I really don't think I'm going to be able to afford it all for a very long time.

For now, I'm going to be working for the LA County Fair as a pirate, but that's only through the fall time. It doesn't help that I've been having a full scale art block and am discouraged by everything that I draw. How am I supposed to be able to fulfill my dreams if I can't do anything right! I guess I have to wait to finally take art classes... you can only teach yourself so much... /uber sigh

=(