/sigh/ where has life gone to? Bored in community college and quickly losing motivation.  But, I guess that's just part of life. Have to move through it.

Things are at a pretty firm stand still, but there's always hope! I've been occupying my time with sewing and my anime expo 2010 cosplays, and a potential labyrinth of jareth costume. I'm starting to think that if I really apply myself, can get a hold of one of those sewing manequins, and focus, I might be able to open a very small commission service. The over all presentation and construction alone from my last costumes to these ones went up dramatically, and it actually gave me hope. Also trying to get better with photography to be able to do cheap cosplay photoshoots. Hehehe! Still doing art, and am working on getting a webcomic together. There's a lot more then just the website that I need to work out, but I'm content with just scripting my way along for now.

Larp front? Haven't been since the last (and final) Eidolon game. I'm not sure when the next one is that I'll make it to... but hopefully the next LE game. I haven't seen any of them since Halloween, and that makes me really sad since I love all of them.

Well, here's hoping life turns up!

Things have calmed down a bit. Dad still has a major hold over my life, and will so long as I need a car, insurance, and anything like that.

I'm out of a job since the Fair ended, and have been paying for a lot of stuff of my own and stuff for my dad around the house. I don't mind too much, but it still makes me feel pretty bad, being as I only have a depleting source of money, and not an in coming source of money. If I was making money, then it would be no big deal.

And if I made money, I could save up a lot of it and buy my own car at a police auction and MAYBE pay for the insurance myself. Yeah, that would be a ton more money, but at least it would be a loss of money that i could feel proud of, and my dad wouldn't have any control over it (couldn't take my keys away etc).

I've been doing more art, which is nice. Mostly pencil and paper stuff, which I can't get onto the computer (no scanner and no camera). The last thing I did solely on the computer I have now surpassed skill-wise. But, here it is anyway:

siicosephy.deviantart.com/art/Bone-Nesti...

I've been doing a lot more self studying, and have been feeling very refreshed at finding things I can learn to do better. And now, I have finally started working on a project that I have dreamed of doing since 7th grade. I finally, in my opinion, have the base, necessary skills to start it, and am guaranteed to only get better, since I will be taking classes in the future.

Life is still hectic, but at least I've finished with the shock value and am slowly taking it all in with grace.

I can't really recall the last time I've had a LARP excursion. I almost did a few weekends ago, but of course, dad didn't really agree with it.

I've been searching avidly for a job, while trying my best in college, and I realized something else. Once I start doing the life gig, I'm going to have to start paying for everything myself. With all of the food, books, and classes I'm going to have to start paying for myself, I don't think I'll even have money left over for LARP. The thought really upsets me. Sure, a lot of places do the cheap to free NPC gig, but there are LARPS I like to PC in, like Eidolon, that are $50. I really don't think I'm going to be able to afford it all for a very long time.

For now, I'm going to be working for the LA County Fair as a pirate, but that's only through the fall time. It doesn't help that I've been having a full scale art block and am discouraged by everything that I draw. How am I supposed to be able to fulfill my dreams if I can't do anything right! I guess I have to wait to finally take art classes... you can only teach yourself so much... /uber sigh

=(

Ahh, what an utter nightmare. The Mare of night. Those acursed, monsterous black horses pulling the carriage of horror!

I haven't been able to do many LARP related activities because of "life". As many know, I've graduated high school, am currently 19, and this to my father translates: "Shannon, you've had all the fun you need. It's time to settle down, get a job, and provide for the family." <- a mostly direct quote. The second sentence was word for word. The first was a little fubbed. So my youth and energy is going to be sapped away by Life and its responsibilities shoved down my throat without a second thought. I am thoroughly stressed, frustrated, and depressed about this.

It makes me think about career paths and the like. For the longest time, I wanted to be a game art designer, but was having doubts. I've never taken any art classes (am self taught), and though it isn't impossible to enroll in them, with the speed in which my father expects me to jump on the Life train, I feel like there is no time to hone or generate skill. (here's something I just whipped up: http://siicosephy.deviantart.com/art/Sephirisse-Colored-109529371 )

But there is also the other problem; I don't know enough. I have no idea what all of the options are, and am afraid to settle on a decision before I have all my cards laid out in front of me. Also, I'm afraid to settle, period.

I think about the things that I have natural talent and love for: Mythology, Ancient Civilizations/Histories, Writing, Acting (Theatre, Camera, Voice), Drawing. But, I am afraid to look at career options in those categories, because I am afraid that I'll be disappointed in the results.

The problem with this problem as well; I was talking with a teacher from my high school recently about my stress on this matter. He told me I cou'dn't know what I wanted, nor know all of the options until I explored the world a bit; had adventures and lived life the way it should be lived. And that, though inspiring, made me depressed beyond all belief. I have no means of adventure, and my father would never in all my life allow that. He forces me to rely on him so that I am obligated to follow his every word blindly. And his word is that I must now settle down. Settle down from what? Going camping once every 2-3 months with a large group of people? And he is not supportive at all of me or the things I love.

And because of all of this, I have not been able to make the past few LARP events that have taken place, if even just practices. I've been deep in the Job Hunt, thorough in my school planning, and buried in the depression of my current situation.

But I will not revoke my commitments to things like Arjad's LARP Angel's Tear, Live Effects, or Eidolon if I can help it.

If there is any hope in the world of me escaping this cage of mine, this cage that doesn't even have bars which I can see and smell through, someone please give me the courage to open the solid door. I just want to know that I'll eventually find the greener grass... or at least a career that I'm excited to work for in the future.

One of the most amazing LARP experiences of my life. Everything was fun and perfect, in and out of game.

Last night I attended a WOD inspired Theatre LARP with Adrianne, Krystal, Phil, Ramsey, and his girlfriend (I can't remember her name >.< )

My costume was literally three of my cosplays put together: Dizzy, Celes, and Hikaru. Dizzy's hair, Celes' sashes, and Hikaru's skirts + top combo. Topped off with a pair of elf ears that I bought from Adrianne on the drive, I created a silly Changeling named Ala Bastar! I added a new gallery for her (mainly because I was afraid I wouldn't remember the costume completely, so I bombarded myself with pictures as soon as I got home.), so anyone who is interested, check it out!

The majorty of the night I spent created the character, but the play was fun. This character I think has a lot of great potential, and I am eager to develope her further. Overall, had a great time, and I greatly look forward to the next game I am able to make.

Was amazing! It was everything I imagined and much MUCH more. Every person involved exceeded my expectations, and I could not have been more satisfied. Thank each and every last one of you for such a memorable experience! (Yes, even you who avoided me as certain characters; it was still special to me :'P)

My characters were (in order of appearance) and my general over view of them:

Lady Aayara - Definetly my most interesting role of the event. Not only was being an Uber-naut amazing, but having a reason to disregard anyone and everyone's personal space was phenomenal.

Ebola - My cutesie little earthen Seelie fae. The most exhausting role, but definetly the most lenient. Anything that popped into my head, I just did without worry. She was notorious was screaming "I AM GUERRILA WARFARE!", her own variation of the batman theme song, "hey - listen!" and rear-end poking.

Finrod - The most challenging. It may not have appeared so, but I spent an enormous portion of my time learning how to walk like a man, and basic body posture. It certainly was interesting, flirting with the ladies, and the weirdest pains and strains in my body from just walking differently was certainly something to remember. I doubt anyone noticed, but there were some really huge socks that I stuck in my pants. Lets say Finrod was well endowed ;)

Ambrosia - The Unseelie fae who traveled in Queen Mab's court. That was definetly the most carefree role I've ever strung together. She was mostly a sweetness, but was extremely sadistic.

And my favorite goes to.... Lady Aayara! I cannot thank you enough Andrew for letting me play her, and everyone else for not only putting up with me, but enjoying her! I love you all ^__^

If anyone got any pictures of any of the characters I played, I would most appreciate seeing and snatching them! Many thanks again!

     It seems I've fallen out of the Larp loop once more, but I've found wasy to keep myself active in mind, which I believe to be just as beneficial. Doing some real-time plotting for Eidolon and marking off my goals for example. Costume making has turned into a truly exciting task for me after the completion of my Oceanid dress (not that it wasn't great before, but yeah).

I'm really looking forward to the upcoming Live Effects game. Where all of my friend's have been to quite a few, I've only been to one. The memories of the event were some that I continue to marvel at, and I am giddy to make more, and hopefully make some new friends inplace of new acquaintances.

=)

Merry day all!

I had a fabulous time!

First with the thugs and being treated like utter crap. (thanks again for throwing me down the stair well, Alex! Punk!) And then with Kitty! I half expected people to just out and attack me; the survival of Kitty to this point surprised me, and she'll likely make another appearance.

But me oh my, the attention I got! I had a lot of stress and tension in my back, so all the sweet-lovin's I got was awesome. Lol. Thank you all for playing with the mutant cat. And giving me slim jims. My Gawd, the slim jims!

After adventures were awesome.

Highlights:

-Meeting cool new people!

-Coming closer to acquaintances! Andrew! Fez! (<- wee bit more then acquaintances) Ramsey! Frankie!

-Boots with the fur!

-Mustard's a bitch!

-Making a buffalo wing last for two hundred ten bites!

-Any and all conversations with Ramsey and Jacob. You two are an effing riot!

Because I was up and ready so early for the last Dying Kingdom's event, I had much time to spare. What could I do with time, but still be productive?

I know!

I documented my make-up process in a strange "how-to" fashion, and create a photo album for all of your viewing-pleasure. It is NOT the most amazing make-up job ever. It is NOT something beyond fabulous. If anything, it's kind of fun to look at because the colours are pretty, but thats about it. Take a gander at your leisure!

Merry Part!

-Shannon