Ahh, what an utter nightmare. The Mare of night. Those acursed, monsterous black horses pulling the carriage of horror!
I haven't been able to do many LARP related activities because of "life". As many know, I've graduated high school, am currently 19, and this to my father translates: "Shannon, you've had all the fun you need. It's time to settle down, get a job, and provide for the family." <- a mostly direct quote. The second sentence was word for word. The first was a little fubbed. So my youth and energy is going to be sapped away by Life and its responsibilities shoved down my throat without a second thought. I am thoroughly stressed, frustrated, and depressed about this.
It makes me think about career paths and the like. For the longest time, I wanted to be a game art designer, but was having doubts. I've never taken any art classes (am self taught), and though it isn't impossible to enroll in them, with the speed in which my father expects me to jump on the Life train, I feel like there is no time to hone or generate skill. (here's something I just whipped up: http://siicosephy.deviantart.com/art/Sephirisse-Colored-109529371 )
But there is also the other problem; I don't know enough. I have no idea what all of the options are, and am afraid to settle on a decision before I have all my cards laid out in front of me. Also, I'm afraid to settle, period.
I think about the things that I have natural talent and love for: Mythology, Ancient Civilizations/Histories, Writing, Acting (Theatre, Camera, Voice), Drawing. But, I am afraid to look at career options in those categories, because I am afraid that I'll be disappointed in the results.
The problem with this problem as well; I was talking with a teacher from my high school recently about my stress on this matter. He told me I cou'dn't know what I wanted, nor know all of the options until I explored the world a bit; had adventures and lived life the way it should be lived. And that, though inspiring, made me depressed beyond all belief. I have no means of adventure, and my father would never in all my life allow that. He forces me to rely on him so that I am obligated to follow his every word blindly. And his word is that I must now settle down. Settle down from what? Going camping once every 2-3 months with a large group of people? And he is not supportive at all of me or the things I love.
And because of all of this, I have not been able to make the past few LARP events that have taken place, if even just practices. I've been deep in the Job Hunt, thorough in my school planning, and buried in the depression of my current situation.
But I will not revoke my commitments to things like Arjad's LARP Angel's Tear, Live Effects, or Eidolon if I can help it.
If there is any hope in the world of me escaping this cage of mine, this cage that doesn't even have bars which I can see and smell through, someone please give me the courage to open the solid door. I just want to know that I'll eventually find the greener grass... or at least a career that I'm excited to work for in the future.