Ahh, what an utter nightmare. The Mare of night. Those acursed, monsterous black horses pulling the carriage of horror!
I haven't been able to do many LARP related activities because of "life". As many know, I've graduated high school, am currently 19, and this to my father translates: "Shannon, you've had all the fun you need. It's time to settle down, get a job, and provide for the family." <- a mostly direct quote. The second sentence was word for word. The first was a little fubbed. So my youth and energy is going to be sapped away by Life and its responsibilities shoved down my throat without a second thought. I am thoroughly stressed, frustrated, and depressed about this.
It makes me think about career paths and the like. For the longest time, I wanted to be a game art designer, but was having doubts. I've never taken any art classes (am self taught), and though it isn't impossible to enroll in them, with the speed in which my father expects me to jump on the Life train, I feel like there is no time to hone or generate skill. (here's something I just whipped up: http://siicosephy.deviantart.com/art/Sephirisse-Colored-109529371 )
But there is also the other problem; I don't know enough. I have no idea what all of the options are, and am afraid to settle on a decision before I have all my cards laid out in front of me. Also, I'm afraid to settle, period.
I think about the things that I have natural talent and love for: Mythology, Ancient Civilizations/Histories, Writing, Acting (Theatre, Camera, Voice), Drawing. But, I am afraid to look at career options in those categories, because I am afraid that I'll be disappointed in the results.
The problem with this problem as well; I was talking with a teacher from my high school recently about my stress on this matter. He told me I cou'dn't know what I wanted, nor know all of the options until I explored the world a bit; had adventures and lived life the way it should be lived. And that, though inspiring, made me depressed beyond all belief. I have no means of adventure, and my father would never in all my life allow that. He forces me to rely on him so that I am obligated to follow his every word blindly. And his word is that I must now settle down. Settle down from what? Going camping once every 2-3 months with a large group of people? And he is not supportive at all of me or the things I love.
And because of all of this, I have not been able to make the past few LARP events that have taken place, if even just practices. I've been deep in the Job Hunt, thorough in my school planning, and buried in the depression of my current situation.
But I will not revoke my commitments to things like Arjad's LARP Angel's Tear, Live Effects, or Eidolon if I can help it.
If there is any hope in the world of me escaping this cage of mine, this cage that doesn't even have bars which I can see and smell through, someone please give me the courage to open the solid door. I just want to know that I'll eventually find the greener grass... or at least a career that I'm excited to work for in the future.
It does typically work out, but often at the cost of upsetting someone. If you decide to stay and live under the conditions you have at the present, then you will be upset. Perhaps safe, and with people that care about you, but definitely upset. If you decide to leave the roost, you don't have many options at the present - we are in the worst recession we have been in a long while. The job market will be tough, and yield little for a lot of hard work. Leaving the roost, to pursue your life of adventure and growth will mean hardship and sacrifice, but in the end you will have something special - a life that you have built. I would plan it out - obviously it's a huge step and not one to take lightly. You may need to stay in the comfort zone until something pops up that might work. The decision to go and the plans that follow will of course need to take in the feelings of your family and friends that might be affected, and more practical considerations...do you in fact have a source of income that is sufficient for your well being? Where will you live? If you live with someone else, do you have a roommate situation or living situation that you can really live with? NEVER depend on people to help you out in the long term - if you do accept help - make it as short as possible. It's your life, and you cannot let others dictate. You must truly make it your own, but try to do it at a pace that makes sense, and not hurt the people that really do care about you. Sometimes tho, it can't be helped.
Rick5:08 AM